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Posts Tagged ‘connection’

That’s What Love Is. Thoughts . . ..

I get this…do you? Love thoughts….inaction or contradictory or worse betrayal….how do you make sense out of that? I may come to analyze it and understand intellectually, to a point, but relate? I try to bridge the gap, but don’t want to be touched by someone who is not authentic and love thought expressed with only symbolic acts would creep me out and drive me away.

Like hit and run visitors who do not relate to you, just do these gestures. I don’t carry that with me. I do. Put in my hands a task to do and I show love. I feel loved similarly. A hug and run with no substantive act is more like assault, a grope, an invasion. Internal states must be matched to gestures to have meaning. I feel internal states, and hurts when they don’t line up. And make me anxious, wondering what it means, if I’ve done something, missed cues, unforeseen consequences, villagers with pitchforks and torches storming the castle, or not about me at all.

Exhausting to have to catch the symbolic expressions, interpret behaviors on the fly, so much detail to sort out, too little time and people lie!!!

Hence I find children and simple people less stressful and “developmentally disabled” much easier to understand and more comfortable. If not, then give me the woods, the country, a farm, where life makes sense.,

 

 

 

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Bigger than me, bigger than any problem…making space in this moment….thank you!

Life is but a dream!

From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it

Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for

Today I have found you
and those who laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did

I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you
with a hundred eyes

My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold

I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine

Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow

My soul is screaming in ecstasy

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