Pretty Real Behind the Veil

When I was a kid and my grandfather officially retired, I remember my grandmother fussing about him being underfoot, he trying to get his bearings with transition to retiree, and she trying to adjust to the constant presence and get her work done. It seemed silly to me then—why would it be a bother?? Free time…check. Income..check. More together time with loved ones..check, right? Isn’t that the rule?. Entanglement and disruption never crossed my childlike mind!

I failed to appreciate the perspective, until a) my husband retired a few years ago, and my solitude was gone, then b) more tangibly as I was looking at this nearly perfect metaphor for her problem: giving Ben extra lead to stretch and shake off the nightly thunderstorms, and the lead kept getting “under foot”..literally! That lead coming up between the feet of the wheelchair, can be crippling in the moment and frustrating, and illustrates the problem in a very concrete way that a child could have understood : how entangled and cluttered life sometimes gets when freedom and new paradigms force you to consider that even freedom, though it is a blessing and respite for many, still creates its own challenges in our lives and for those whose live we touch. Sometimes necessity requires adjustment to make it work for all.

Just about any major change and minor ones too, can alter the dynamics between partners–spouses, housemates, my service dog and me–living things connected/bound to each other. Changes that are part of normal life, though expected, can be disabling, sometimes unexpectedly and irreparably, like my marriage, like some kinds of disability, and that can throw everything into chaos. I guess the difference between me and most people is that I expect unexpected challenges, and realize that I can’t fix them all. Others may have to make peace with their own adjustments. Those things I have to let go of, but this situation, at least was doable. I find these temporary entanglements a bit annoying, the adjustments– challenges that I struggle to be patient with when I don’t yet know what they’ll be, but inevitably when they come, they are never really as frustrating or annoying as I think they’ll be.

This is the start of my day. Since the proper ramp is still under construction, I today again took my 400 pound wheelchair out the door and down the cliff face aka the temp ramp. It did not roll, but slid abruptly down the steep decline–more like a slide than a ramp, though not nearly so treacherous on the decline as the backslide with my diminutive frame coming behind it on the return, praying it wont crush me again!!

Let’s just say I’m beyond grateful to the Knights of Columbus in Durham, and the ramp that they’re building, and that they will have it finished in the next few days. And though I was not expecting my massive pink 30 year old azaleas to disappear from existence suddenly from my back deck within minutes–a shocker I’ll admit-they were nearly 20 feet tall– I am extremely grateful to the fencing company, who graciously are giving their time and materials to start installing the backyard fence for Bennie yesterday. It will keep him and me safer, and if I had to give up my azaleas for that, it is worth that! People with autism of any IQ can relate to the challenges of unplanned changes, especially from familiar things.

I have to say that my gratitude is expanded around the efforts of these good folks each moment and especially on such occasions, and in the interim, I continue to put my soul in the hands of the deity to watch over us while we risk all to live a little. It’s worth it. And that is a beautiful thing. Have a blessed day!

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