Pretty Real Behind the Veil

This is me, in pain, yesterday, in fact, and when I’m in pain, this is where I have to start to manage it, and this is what I can take, literally and figuratively.  Can’t take pills for pain, so I have 3 things at my disposal:  my two hands (to the extent that they are working that day) and my brain to manage pain and plug into a creative flow that can help me to not focus on the pain.  I post what I draw to manage pain, but thought it was important to also document where I have to come from to use art in pain management, and this is an actual portrait of me in the throes of a nasty flair.  I think the face tells the whole story.  I sketched this from photos that I took yesterday with my webcam during a bad pain episode, just before I started drawing.  My husband says this is excruciatingly accurate; it certainly *feels* right.

I can sometimes draw some cool things at these times, but no, pain is NOT pretty, and it doesn’t feel pretty—AT ALL. I’m just grateful to be able to do something to get through it.  It was disturbing to even draw this, because I don’t like to focus on the downside.  I don’t want to do this very often, but it’s important to me to document the painful reality that is my starting point.  I think it’s clear that I was not in a good place, and not letting pain beat me is essential.  If I can start from right here and DO something to get through this, I can “take” anything, even if I can’t TAKE anything for the pain, and I can get through it.  Keeping my pencil sharp for what comes next….