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If I can dream it, I can experience it!! Imagining, even after almost 4 years, is still sweet!! Terrifying, dangerous, thrilling to contemplate, to remember each time that I’ve thought, “Onward! Courage! The abyss be damned! If the world won’t come tomto the bubble, bring the bubble to the world!” The dream is no less beautiful…..

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*A Moment of Your Time?

*A Moment of Your Time*

Perfectly on time, in and out, each has its own time,
As we arrive at a moment, it departs; a moment waits for no one.
It carried a gift for you; did you drink it in, or blink? It’s gone!!

I confess I was busy thinking in the wee hours this day, with my service dog Ben..moments only but the moments are all we really have, not yesterday or tomorrow, and that quiet sacred still time when I can just be there with it, the connection and energy is palpable!! And was intoxicating!! Not much blinking, just treasuring something better than drugs, booze, money, or even working legs and eyes!!!! If I still had my legs and eyes, would I have been feeding my soul with moments, like they were nectar of the gods? Would I appreciate moments as I do now?? Doubtful. I was always running. But instead, today, we enjoyed our time with the deer, possums, a raccoon, birds, a snake, and other creatures of the night!

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“You look familiar, have we met?
You’re one I doubt I would forget ”
“We were connected long ago,
But why you left I did not know.

So many years have passed its true While I, alone, did wait for you.
Though I called often from the dark
To try to soothe my lonely heart.

I heard you speaking loud and clear, When I was was calling, did you hear? Your life you spent just chasing round
A clock that just kept ticking down.

Yet time did never touch my face Suspended in this timeless place.
Now I must speak, so listen now;
This truth you must embrace somehow:

You see we always have been one
You ran, but you weren’t really gone.
And for your journeys, chasing time
You’ve missed a lot by flying blind.”
“Now that I’m back, oh precious one,
We never have to feel alone!”

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Bigger than me, bigger than any problem…making space in this moment….thank you!

Life is but a dream!

From the beginning of my life
I have been looking for your face
but today I have seen it

Today I have seen
the charm, the beauty,
the unfathomable grace
of the face
that I was looking for

Today I have found you
and those who laughed
and scorned me yesterday
are sorry that they were not looking
as I did

I am bewildered by the magnificence
of your beauty
and wish to see you
with a hundred eyes

My heart has burned with passion
and has searched forever
for this wondrous beauty
that I now behold

I am ashamed
to call this love human
and afraid of God
to call it divine

Your fragrant breath
like the morning breeze
has come to the stillness of the garden
You have breathed new life into me
I have become your sunshine
and also your shadow

My soul is screaming in ecstasy

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Project Spirit Journal: Dreams.

Dreamers

Swim forever

Through a sea of sleepwalkers

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When people don’t want to discuss past events, or allow others to discuss or focus on the past, very often, their motivation is a desire to avoid facing their own void or, to barricade and insulate themselves from inconvenient truths.

Fearing consequences from these truths, in an attempt to deflect or discredit what threatens them, or if they are simply opting for “ignorance as bliss”, hoping and believing that the cliché is true because they want it to be true, they claim to what feel safe to them, whether it is or not.

They may say, let’s not dredge up the past, or what’s done is done and can’t be changed. In the psych world, they would blame the patient for ruminating, or worse, when confronted with an inconvenient truth, they more often would stick some pejorative diagnosis on the speaker, so as to discredit them and after that, no one would listen to them or believe them.

Now this is a situation that is motivated purely by self-interest, not from care or concern for a patient, or a desire to discover the truth, or to help anyone except themselves. Also called a conflict of interest. I’m that can be a very inconvenient truth. The particulars may, in some cases, be that they have taken possession of an innocent victim’s person in the first place–a kidnapping under the guise of protective treatment.

Even when the crime is known, very often most involved will fall back on a preference that the victim accept, silently, that what’s done is done. Well that may be convenient for the sensibilities of the general population and those involved in the crime, yes only intensifies the harm done to the victim, and could very well determine their very futures forever.

From this, there will be no lessons learned, no action will be taken, to change to prevent future similar outcomes. These individuals in these situations who are in power are are therefore virtually bulletproof.

Temple Grandin, like myself, has lived her entire life, with most formative choices motivated by primarily fear, that formed the foundations of her life efforts and growth. When the world is constantly bombarding you from birth with its millions and quadrillions of the details of truths that you cannot block out, and your gifts render you so different from others, (a la Ghost Whisperer, trying to conceal the truth of what she sees and experiences that the rest of the world does not), trying to pass for being like everyone else you are not bombarded this way, the human world can be a dangerous place, left unprotected from childhood.

Being smart enough to see all the outcome potentials, yet forced to watch the disaster scenarios play out, not only as potential outcomes modeled in your head long before the event, but now come to fruition disastrously, while being powerless to prevent it–can be agonizing, and you can either go crazy a hundred times or endlessly, or you can really learn to get your zen on, buckle up, and prepare yourself for another roller coaster ride, and ride on.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have the ability or could dumb it down on command. I get tired. I get impatient and frustrated. I just want to withdraw from all the noise. But at the end of the day I know that I am what I need to be, and it’s a good thing even if I don’t always like it, and even if others don’t always get it. So whatever the ride has in store for me next I guess I just got to ride that train, see where it takes me, and discover what I can learn from it.

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